Always a great source of some of the funniest stuff on the internetz, The Bronx Goblin comes through again:
Clyde Drakes of the Bronx is literally sick and tired of sitting with other peanut loving riffraff at the stadium. He loves the Yankees, but doesn’t love how his face swells up every time he gets close to a peanut. When the Yankees announced peanut free seats, he was thrilled.
“I can finally watch the game. Seriously, before my eyes would swell shut and I’d miss them.”
Clyde blames his peanut allergy on global warming and has been waiting for a world that is free from peanuts.
“Why can’t they sell cashews or walnuts? Why they gots to go and sell peanuts? I tense up every time I hear take me out to the ballgame.” he added
When Clyde found out that the Yankees offered a peanut free section, he got down on his knees and put his hands in the air.
“I actually fell to my knees cause I ate a snickers on accident. Those candies have nuts in them. My knees locked up and down I went. I put my hands in the air to signal for some help.”
After hearing about the peanut free zones, fans are asking for more. One man asked for a shoeless zone without hotdogs. Another dreamed of a section without sushi cause he doesn’t like the thought of killing innocent fish. In reaction to the sushi request, an official is looking into only serving sushi with criminal records.
We’ll keep you posted,